It reminds me of a friend who tells of the trials she suffered working at the military hospital in Landsthul, Germany. Men brought in limbless with wounds she saw that she wishes to push back into the recesses of her mind. The days came and the days went and she was asking what we all ask in the midst of terrible pain. Why, God...why?! What is the purpose of this?! These men in altogether anguish matched against the anguish in the heart of my dear friend.
I remember her telling me of a day that she thought she could not go on seeing the wounds in the body but mostly the wounds in the spirit and then the goodness of God came slowly and again all at once as He reminded her of this from the book of John in Chapter 15:
Our God, our personal God, He knows the beautiful pain of sacrifice. What comfort that brings! Our God is not aloof. No, he is not far away. He came down here and walked this dusty earth with a band of twelve misfits. And while Jesus is asking of this huge kind of love from his disciples to be shown to each other, they have no idea that indeed that he is going to do just that. That he was going to lay his life down so that they may live. What a love he showed!
The tears come again as I realise again how unworthy I am for that kind of sacrifice and love and how, OH! how I can't ever make up for it. That there is nothing I can do to earn it. That this gift of sacrifice is just that....a gift. And a gift, as you well know can never be bought back.
Thank you, Jesus...for the gift of you and your love.....