Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Understood

I often wonder if Christ longed to be understood. I wonder if he grew frustrated at the masses around him confusing their plans with his, calling him to an earthly kingdom when his home all along was in Heaven and  whose mission was an eternal one.  Did he ever grow weary of the constant barrage of people wanting his physical healing power only to dismiss the possibility that these miracles merely pointed to his Deity? Surly, in some way it had to be, on a human level, very hard to always be on the outside, to always be "that guy."

I look at Jesus' life and see that even his family and his closest of friends didn't really understand what he was about until after he gave his life up on the cross. I see that his focus really was on his Heavenly Father where he drew his strength from, in each moment. And from this I am comforted.

Though, the desire inside my heart to be understood is almost as great as my desire for easy, taking the road less traveled is one of grace...and peace...and joy. These 6 Popes are in good company.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
   From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
   who made heaven and earth
.
~ Psalm 121:1-2

301. air conditioning
302. sleeping children
303. chic-fil-a (yes, this is pathetic...i know)
304. answered prayer; papa is doing well and back home
305. long walks
306. even the hard parts of being a mom
307. journey mercies for Justin: to San Antonio
308. swing sets with swings
309. longing for my real home
310. answered prayer; ashley's new job!!
311. skyping with family
312. Christ, emptying himself, coming to earth, dying for me, conquering death
313. starting again...forgiveness of my Father
314. talking to my dear sister
315. an unexpected encouraging phone call...thanks susanna!
316. watching, learning from other's who live not a bit understood 
317. sweet little boys

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Rain

We walk holding hands, I holding onto the stroller also, his hand in mine. Two more little boys lagging behind. The smell is almost overwhelming. How can it smell the very same way here in Dallas after the rain as it does in Lubbock? "It does, it really does," he replies. The smell of growing up, laughter and love. A smell that takes us back and propels us forward.

"I guess it was so hot and there was no rain, there were those terrible fires," I say to him. "What on their front lawns?" he jokingly says. The reminder of the summer heat is around us. The brown-green, patchy grass groans for more water. Looking, it is a site to behold. House after house smattered with this spotty looking deadened grass. Dead grass, only alive after the rain. After the rain!

The rain is necessary for life.
When every ounce of this tired body aches for easy, I am reminded the rain is necessary for life and growth. 

After weeks and of planning, packing, shuffling, organizing, running around, cleaning, packing (did I say that already?) saying the hard goodbyes and practically breathing in and out PCS jargon only to hop on an 8 hour plane ride and then another 3 hours of plane rides with four children, living with friends and then two nights on a hotel, we have finally arrived and brought the German rain with us.  As refreshing as it is to see the rain quench the grasses' parched wisps, I have grown a bit weary of it life's rain. 

Is it possible for my life to not look like that dead grass with out the rain? Oh, how I want the green grass with out the rain. My heart longs for easy, but Jesus requires the hard things...for me to choose the hard things, just as he did...every time.

Lord, thank you for the rain from above that quenches the grass and my soul. Thank you for the strength and grace your Holy Spirit provides to preserver. And though, we are weary and tired, thank you Lord for the drizzles and down pours of life for your might, power and strength are seen in them! Forgive us for always wanting easy instead of wanting more of you.

286. The Johnson family, taking us in and taking care of us
287. a week spent with family-friends and all the sweet memories
288. The Johnson girls, giving up their room and Louise sharing hers
289. Ellie, weeping at the door, saying good-bye, knowing she has loved her dear friend and my daughter
290. The Lord's constant guidance even when things looked like they wouldn't come together
291. Testing in trusting; failing; and then again...grace
292. All those "last-times"
293. Meeting again with dear friends to fellowship and pray
294. an unexpected gift...many unexpected gifts
295. travel mercies...to Baltimore...to Charlotte...to Dallas
296. my Love, now 29...growing in years and in grace
297. my first little Love, now 9....9, I can't believe it!
298. long walks and slurpees
299. hundred and hundreds of birds swooping, looping, sitting on a wire
300. a nice, long run