This is what I see when I look up from my computer. This is what I look at daily as we walk this wondering wisp of a life together. I am reminded with every glance. Because in this crazy thing that we call family life it's the feelings that get in the way. And those feelings they can get big and crazy too. Because as much as I would like to say that I always feel like my children are a blessing, there are these times when I don't.
This I know in my head, my heart even: my children are a blessing.
But oh, how my feelings can betray that knowledge....
Can't I just have the floor (any floor) clean for an hour? Half an hour? Ok, 5 minutes?
Will you pullleaassee, child, nap longer than 30 min. so that I can get the island painted that minty green color I'm excited about?
Why are you arguing...again...and again...oh, and again? Who cares what seat you sit in? I'll never in a million years understand that! Do children in Africa argue about where to sit? I do wonder this.
Why are you yelling...I just so happen to be sitting right across the table from you!
Maybe if I close my eyes those dishes will just disappear....and those dirty socks sitting on the table will too....the table! I'm certain we've talked, a lot, about where dirty socks go. The table was not an option!
There, then...and again I see it as I sit to type...
A blessing, my children are a blessing.
I confess...again. I am a forgetter. So easily I forget. So easily my feelings take over. So easily I trust in myself and my own sufficiency, instead of His. This life is not about me. This life is not lifting myself up, of getting what I want all the time. It is about bending low. All of this training. This teaching. This is a reminder too. It's like these 4 joys were given to me because I am so forgetful. God, is teaching. He is training me in this marathon that I wish would be a sprint because I'm better at those and those sprints are over quite a bit faster.
Parenting is no different, God is just perfectly better at being long suffering with me. While I am wishing away difficulties (that really aren't). He continues to be patient and kind. While I wish for a tidy home. He shows me the way in his Word, and messes are apart of it and cleaning them up together is just another reminder. While I'm sick and tired of the same old fights. He says to push on, to not look back because Heaven is waiting and to not grow weary of doing good. While I wish for perfection. He already sent his Son to be that perfection for me....what a priceless gift.
So I'll trust and continue to pray and find peace there in Him, in Jesus....even amidst the mess.
And this is one of those things that is easier said than done....
Thank you Lord for these 4. And thank you also, for the mess. Oh, how I do need you...always!