Wednesday, 20 February 2013
There are these times when I sit down here at my dusty computer and plunk something out that I think I might have some clue as to what I am talking about. And then I am reminded that perhaps I don't have it all together...not even close. Standing isn't for the faint of heart.
In the movie, Shadowlands, we meet an ageing, and at times, an almost arrogant CS Lewis, author of many and much loved Christian books. Some of these books carry the weight of suffering as the main theme. Written for adults going through trying times in their lives, Lewis' desire, rightly, is to point them to Christ, who suffered for us all. The problem? Lewis himself has never had tragic suffering looming in his life in such a way that has left him broken or despondent. Writing while not really knowing the experience, Lewis meets Joy, a spirited poet who has known a great deal of loss in her own life. Lewis is undone in many a ways. He learns, much like speaking, living...standing is all the more difficult.
And so, last week as I attempted to write about love in light of Feb. 14, I began to feel a bit like Lewis. The Love in my life (AKA as my ol' man) helps make my life easier (in most instances), not harder. He is kind. He is considerate. He works hard to support us. His love is sacrificial. Agape. It is undeserved and I relish in it. I cannot relate well to not being loved well as a wife, just as Lewis was unable to to fully relate to Joy's suffering. I can come across harsh, and trite, and ranting and not at all kind.
And if love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)...then the words here should be so. Now this certainly doesn't mean that a person who has not suffered great loss, can not themselves write of suffering, or a person who does not have a difficult marriage can not write about how to love well, but I do believe they should tread lightly. And so that is what I will attempt to do here tonight....
Love is hard many times. Many women have not been loved well. Ever. Many, grow up much like I did with out much of a father figure or a very distant one at best. And then they get married and they hope against all hope that they will, indeed be loved for all that they are. But they are not. Not at all. And it is a struggle. And it is hard to extend love so in self preservation, we women, become defensive, cold even. And really, what is the point to always love and never get that love in return?
The only answer I have is the same the Lewis had for suffering. In order to love well, you must first know the One who is Love. It is easy to want our husbands, friends, family to love us the way that only God can. It is easy to look to them for the only kind of love that will truly fullfil our deepest desires as women, sister, mother or friend. I know this well. I have made many a idol in my heart over wanted love instead of lingering long, and tasting the sweet nector of joy on the love I know to be truest of all.
And if I look to Him...to Jesus and the kind of love that he had....the kind that, in spite of my wretched heart, died a heinous death for me...for you....I am reminded that I am able to love like that if he is my Savior. And this, my dear friends, is the deepest, richest, longest love ever come down. Look to him, would you, with me and be loved well though the mountains are high and the valleys are low....we can know Him and just be loved by him.