Chasing Perfection: A Gospel Reminder

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Dearest Reader,

It's been weeks since I originally wrote this post. Like, beginning of summer. Lets just say that the Lord has been at work on me in with this very thing. So lest you be tempted to think that I have this altogether, He has plainly showed me that I surely do not. Please remember that now and always as I write, I am always speaking truth to myself first. 

I accidentally let out about 1/4 of our pool water into our neighbor’s yard the other morning. Thankfully it was slow, and it’s been rainy so they didn’t notice. The same evening I proceeded to make a dinner for some new friends and the dish I made included ingredients some of them can’t eat because of their severe food allergies. Like brings an epipen because I might die from eating your food kind of allergy. I even asked if they had any. Allergies, I mean. And my sweet new friend took the time to lay it all out for me via text which I read. And still, I got it wrong. 

Another friend once said that I could cure cancer and still feel like I had not done enough. 

There’s probably some truth to that. 

Some days the grey cloud of failure looms above me and I can’t seem to get it right. I may get it right 9 out of 10 times but for sure I won’t get it right at least once. Or twice. Or for the love of Pete, at all.

What I’m beginning to realize though, is that this is a grace. That in fact everyone struggles to “get it right” in their own way. And most of us are just pretending we know what we are actually doing anyway. And not one of us can be perfect. Or we are doing things like letting 1/4 of the water out of the pool on accident and never, ever telling a soul for fear of judgement or shame. Or both.

Whole volumes of books have been written on this topic. Books that I could never touch or add upon with my meager words here. In fact, I read a post with a similar theme to mine recently written by a well known Christian author (whose words are far superior) on this same subject and almost quit writing this post. 

But I didn’t so here it goes.

I’m not really going to try to surpass others. My gift is being just like you. I don’t own my own business. Well, I guess technically now I do.  I’m not doing anything that is going to get me noticed, really. I’m not writing any books. I don’t have a podcast (but I would love to). I’m totally normal. I’m you. Well, you know what I mean right?  I’ll not even pretend to have all the answers but what I hope to do is encourage you to start viewing perfection differently because perfection saturates our society even in ways you may not realize.  I often tell my kids they are like little sponges just absorbing all the messages around them. I am no different and so, have to train my mind in discerning what is actually true. 

It's obvious. Just take a look around we can see the idea of perfectionism at work. It saturates our society preaching at us but talking out of both sides of its mouth (yes, the culture is very good at this). As much as it wants to be all things to all people and show different body types in commercials etc., the reality is that a beautiful, flawless  women in a TV ad is going to get much more attention than one that is not so flawless. Advertisers aren’t stupid. Advertisers know this. They know it will pay the bills in a big way.

 There is a small business out of Utah that sells swimsuits that I love. They say their models are, “never airbrushed.” Maybe that’s partly true but I always wonder where the cellulite is. No amount of good lighting will get rid of that on a 30 something model. It’s just not possible. We all have it. If you don’t, you’re one of the lucky ones. Seriously, high five from me! 

 No matter how much we want to be seen as relatable, there is something in us that isn’t satisfied by the status quo. We are constantly vacillating between pride (I am so much more fit than her) and despair (why can’t I look like her).  Or is that just me raising my hand here?

It’s like we want to feel ok in our own skin but we just can’t be ok with just being ok.

Now.

Though most of us struggle in the area of physical beauty, this is just the icing on top of the cake, if you will. This is the glaringly obvious problem in our culture. Even the magazine industry writes articles about the problem of treating women like objects of perfection while at the same time air brushing their size -0 models. Yes. That’s a -0. 

I want to take it a step further because Jesus always did. Jesus says these kinds of issues are merely a reflection of the heart. Ouch. 

Maybe it’s an American culture thing...that we desire to be seen as perfect. Maybe, though it’s something much deeper. Maybe, this is a matter of perception. Maybe it’s a matter of self and how we need to die to that self. 

How am I being perceived by others?

This is the driving force behind so many decisions, so many things I say, so much of what I choose to wear or how decorate my home.  I want to be perceived well and that is a good thing. Well, within reason anyway. It can quickly become about me and how I look on the outside, wanting everyone to believe I have it altogether  instead of what the Lord is doing on the inside. And believe you me sisters, the struggle is real here for me especially with certain people whom I long to understand and just “get me.” I know you have people in your life like that too. 

Often people will say to me, “God gave you 8 children because he knew you could handle it.” I usually laugh out loud. Their look of confusion is priceless. I laugh because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Here’s the truth: God gave me 8 children precisely because I cannot do it without his help. He gave me 8 children to humble me. So he can parent me while I parent them. Isn’t that just lovely? And so that I would finally see my great need for him. Lest you are tempted to ask, “How does she do it?” The short answer is: I don’t know and I often fail. And mostly I fail when I am trying so hard to be perceived a certain way instead of living a humble, faithful life of obedience to my Lord. 

Certainly, God had equipped me to handle my life and grants me the grace to do so but please believe me when I tell you I have failed magnificently in more important ways than just accidentally letting out too much pool water.

God is not a disappointed father, looking down from Heaven, shaming me when I make mistakes...even really expensive ones.  There is a difference between a mistake and sin. Sometimes they are tangled up together, sure, but as believers God is not displeased with us because of our genuine mistakes. He just isn't. It isn't an attribute of his. He knows we are human.

In the same way, you as a parent, would never intentionally make a child feel like a disappointment to you because they broke a dish (maybe even an expensive one) on accident, our Heavenly will never shame us for such things. We are human. Things happen. Now, if that same child is throwing the dish at a sibling out of anger, yes then you've got a tangled mess of sin right there. The plate isn't really the issue (even if it breaks), his or her heart is. 

See what I mean?

God is such a loving, faithful father. He wants our hearts to beat in tune with his and they cannot do that when what preoccupies our minds is ourselves, our failures and or how we are perceived by others. 

This is a daily battle for me. 

But maybe it’s not for you. 

Maybe this struggle of striving after perceived perfection isn’t your jam. Maybe you do get it right most of the time. Or maybe when you “fail” it’s easier for you to just accept that you’re not perfect and move on. Can I ask you hard question? Are you finding your success in getting it right all the time instead of finding your success in the Lord? What I mean is that for most of my life I really did get it right (at least on the outside). I didn’t have a need for a Savior, really. Life went my way for the most part and life was good. Until it wasn’t and I could no longer hide. 

There comes this day when none of this will matter. When none of us can hide. When we will all stand before our Lord and either we will be clothed in the righteous blood of the Lamb (Jesus, who became sin for us on the cross) or we will be found wanting because we never had any need to trust him. 

Are you needy? 

I don't want to be, if I'm honest.  I shudder to think that I am most of the time, but there is no getting away from it. No matter how many times in your life you really mess up, our greatest need isn’t perfection. Our greatest need cannot and will not ever be fulfilled by doing enough or being enough. Our greatest need is to be saved and not from our silly mistakes but from the sin that defines us through and through. The sin that cannot be cancelled through any number of good things we do or how perfectly well we live our lives. The amazing  dichotomy of it all is that the blood of Jesus covers your sin (and mine too!) and will make you perfect so there is never any need to chase perfection in the first place.

And then you are left with this one everlasting desire: to strive after his heart with your own. But not perfectly, of course...you will probably still do things like let 1/4 of the pool water out of the pool...or maybe that’s just me.