Today was that day. You know the one. The one where if there was a grading scale for parenting you would give yourself an F in mothering (or life in general.) And for those of you that are hollering at your computer, "Oh, Kari you're always too hard on yourself!" well, today that is just not true. Today, it just is the plain, ugly truth.
And these days? We all have them don't we?
There were many a time where I thought, "you know they are not going to be here forever...." and then just went on being an F parent. And here is the thing that I have found to be most true when this happens. My focus is myself. My focus is my circumstances. My focus is on what others are doing or not doing. My focus is on what others may think of me. My focus certainly is not Christ. And the brutal, honest truth is that today...this very day... I didn't want it to be.
There must be a reason that many times, I find in the Word, (as I told my daughter today...again) that faith is a fight for joy. It is an ugly battle and that is why we must be armed well according to Ephesians 6. And today, sadly, I just chose not to be.
The very same battle that wages war against my children rages inside of me and you know what? I am thankful for days like today because perhaps I would (or maybe I know I would) go get a big head and such about how easy this all is and forget that the struggle that they are having is just as real in them as it is in me....it's just I'm a little more practised at it.... and yet, I still fail.
Thank you Father that when days like today come, and they will again, that I can come to you because there is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus our Lord. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you that I can confess that I was an F parent, and ask you to fill me up again for the thousandth time today...and you will. Thank you for your Word. Thank you that I am not left to myself...that I don't have to figure this all our myself, but you have given me a guide in your Word...in your Spirit written Word. Thank you Lord for these blessings too:
866. hard days, good hard days
867. a daughter who says sorry, who desires forgiveness and a mom who needs it too
868. an honest son with a kind heart
869. a visit from my mother and father...soon and very soon
870. a God who places us just where we need to be to get done what we need to get done in the place it needs to get done
871. a tired husband who gives one last kiss goodnight
872. the quiet house, finally quiet....
873. being reminded what a good teacher really is
874. this wonderfully, hard thing called motherhood
Thank you friends, for being patient with me as we are in a busy season of our lives. I do want to let you know that I am putting aside the Fighter Verses for now because I am memorising Eph. 6: 10-18 over the next 16 weeks in the summer with our Sunday School class. Join me if you want. If not I will hunt you down, er I mean that's ok too. ;0) We are starting with Eph. 6:10 and will be memorizing this one for the next 2 weeks. Yes, 2 weeks...totally doable right????