Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Honorable Counsellor

We named you Koen and prayed and hoped that you would grow into your name: honorable counsellor. Then you came into this world all screams and me all laughter kissing your Father thinking, "I can't believe I just did that!!!" Accidentally natural. Yes, it happens.

 And I thought soon after, that perhaps, we messed the whole thing up. Maybe the naysayers were right. Maybe we had the "perfect" family...one boy, one girl. Maybe three was too much for me. Maybe there was not enough love in this momma's heart. Maybe we were just too far from home.  You cried and I think I cried more... if that is even possible. And we lived through that whole messy year crying bold, round, drippy tears together in Germany. No family around. No true friends that very first year. Just the 5 of us: one. big. mess. Together.

Oh, and can I just say, son? That for every tear I cried, I have laughed out loud twice as hard. I smile just thinking of that girl those 5 short years ago and think, "Oh, you silly, silly girl!"  There will always be naysayers, but God is bigger, stronger, mightier...so we must look to Him...to His ways. They are always, always, always infinitely better.

It is quite possible that you are just the miracle that this family needed. Two kids into this thing and I thought maybe I knew something and you know what?! A mother always has something to learn and God? He is in the education business. He knew, he knows, just what we need and always gives accordingly. And yes, the very grace necessary at the very moment to deal with that which is given right along side the gift.

You, son are the very music of this family. A bright spot in this very dark world and may your life always point to the brightest spot of all. The One who showers us with goodness and mercy all the days of our lives. Yes, Jesus. May you know him in the most intimate of ways. To know the Honorable Counsellor is the only way to give honorable counsel.

Thank you Father for these gifts:

840. This fire and ice boy of ours named Koen, turned 5 today
841. Birthday lunch at Culvers. Yes, we tried to get him to broaden his horizons to no avail. ;)
842. 5 min. cake in a cup
843. my Love, asking me to read together
844. remembering Who I am in Christ, not a failure though some days feel that way
845. one boy, with his new red DS, SUPER wide eyed with excitement
846. thinking about children growing makes me sad, scared, excited....

And Friends, this weeks verse can be found here pointing us to the one, great Honorable Counsellor.


  1. Accidentally natural... yep, been there! ;) And, these doubts, too ("Can I handle it?"), it's good to hear this from someone further down the family road. :)

    1. Oh, I do wish that someone would have told me that accidentally natural could actually happen...though I'm not sure why, looking back I didn't at least plan a little something for it (maybe just a little hee, hee, haaaaa or something to that effect.) And perhaps someone did, I was just so busy dreaming about how that miracle epidural, that I didn't listen. ;) Thanks for stopping by, Ashley!