I look at the world, and I look at you. You, this beautiful boy. Out you came, this wrinkled little bit, into this world, broken, full of pain with a body struggling to breathe. You grasping for the very thing that could give you life. And this world, it seems to suck it out of us right quick sometimes doesn't it?
I look, and I see and I think what is it that I want you to know because you are now 8 which is another 2 years away from 10 and that, halfway to 20 and son, it goes by fast. And what's a mom to do with all that she wants you to know when you are growing up fast-strong in boy years and I am panting far behind in momma years.
What do I want you to know?
What is a mom to do when she knows right then, right when you step out in to this wide open world of ours that every. single. thing. you have ever been taught will be backwards to this upside down world of ours. That people will not understand. They will tell you to trust you heart. And God? Who is he anyway. Aren't all those gods just the same...leading to the same place?
And we talk. I know we do. We talk. A lot. We talk about everything and tell you, son, to look through the lens of the living, breathing, life-giving, Word. And I'm not so sure you like the talking. Well, actually I know it's not your favourite. And you listen. You listen well, most of the time you listen. But there is nothing like stepping out, on your own...and it's beginning....yes, even now it's beginning.
I know about not wanting to let go because when they took you to the NICU, I thought that maybe I should not have given them to you...I wanted smother you with the momma love that I thought would make it all better. Even now, I don't want to let you go. I want to cling right tight. Cling and cover you and shield you from the pain and all that is bad in the world and all those mistakes you can and will make. Because, dearest, I see you with this big heart ready to love, ready to give, ready to learn and soak all there is up in this world of ours and am I ready for that? Am I ready? Are my hands open?
What do I want you to know...for yourself?
That is what I want you to know.
That there is truth. It is found in this gift of a person Jesus and it is Him that grace is propelled through us towards others.
And this truth?
it can. not. be found in anyone or anything else.
For yourself, I want you to know this because what Nana always said is true, that God does not have grandchildren...only children.
I know that you know this because I'm the one that taught it to you. But I want you to know it....to know it because you have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I want it to reach the depth of who you are and change the way you see the world and people so you don't have to fear when others have a different point of view or version of truth and are able to point them to Who truth is.
I don't want to give you a religion or tradition or a list of dos and don'ts. I want this truth to set you free, so that you may live a life fully and radically devoted to the one who knit you together in my womb and knew you before he even did so.
And so, again today,
as every day I hand you over
you were really never mine to begin with.....
More counting of His graces
791. so thankful for the incubator of a gift when this boy was born!
792. his imagination and love of history
793. this boy: he loves to read
794. God has given him a heart of compassion. His love is fierce.
795. my Love and that these boys do not have to grow up wondering what it looks like to chase hard after Christ.
796. and all this wondering what chasing hard actually looks like...and does my life reflect it???
797. good, needed conversations
798. growing pains
799. one girl realising that perfection isn't the goal
800. the gift of motherhood
And just in case you are wondering about the Fighter Verse this week. Here it is.
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ..." Phil. 3: 7 & 8