To you Mom

If you could do it over again, I'm sure you would....wouldn't we all. If you could take some of those things, that pain right away I know you would. I often want the Lord to take away some of the agonising memories from the choices I made. I know you do too. There is some pain that is forgiven, yet it dwells deep, rich even with in our souls. The Lord has healed, but there lay the scar.

Indeed, though...dearest mother you are a butterfly.

There you were, just a babe yourself having a new born babe. You and that sweet boy. Two caterpillars together. Trying to figure out growing and him growing faster than you figuring things out. And that wisp of time. It goes by way to fast. And then two more are added...and later, much later a fourth.

And then it happens....the metamorphosis

Somewhere between the third and fourth: Jesus, He captures your heart again. From caterpillar to butterfly, you are a new creation in Him. He pours grace, and you pour tears and sweat and sacrifice. He pours love and forgiveness and your heart aches for all us four and more to know Him...to trust Him too. And I know this ache now too.

Mom, you trust Him like no other I know. Your hands right open knowing that, "if I was His, he wouldn't let me go." Remember, that's what you told me when I asked how you got through those years that my life was a lie and only you, and He, knew the depth of the truth. Heartache is what I gave. Grace and trust in Him were your answer.

Trust in the One who is giver of life and new life. Trust that God is bigger than my sin and mistakes. Trust that there is no formula for good children, but it is God alone who saves. Trust that in Him all things are made new. Trust that though dreams may be shattered, God's plans are even better. Trust that this life of mother hood, of a servent bent low unto him is worth every minute. Trust that opinions don't matter, truth is what matters: God knows the heart.

Trust that we are not to be our children's God, but we are to teach them to trust in Him....he alone is Savior.

I can see this now that I too, am a mother. I too, wish I could go back sometimes and do things over especially with that first sweet babe. But to do so would to negate God's grace, it would be like taking away the miracle of the butterfly. I know what I know now because it is he that handed it to me through you....and Mom, I will be forever thankful....

531. cartwheels on the beach

532. long drives to basketball practices

533. you making me ride around in the daycare van, me hating every minute of it

534. your quiet patence and strength to endure those hard years

535. all those sights you made me see in New Orleans that you said "One day you'll thank me." I do.

536. not being afraid to show your brokeness

537. all those crazy outfits that only you can pull off

538. riding bikes

539. homemade chicken noodle soup and bread bowles and mashed potatoes

540. watching you trust

541. moving me to Lubbock

542. long and loud laughter

543. silly songs in the car and me pretending to hate them

544. lingering conversations about life...and what does this walk w/ Christ look like

546. you, living on a boat with that handsome husband of yours

547. those big, blue eyes that can see right into me

548. you, mom are my very best friend

549. not being afraid to ask the hard questions and not hating me for answering honestly

550. speaking the truth in love

551. you, loving my husband like your own son

552. always making our 4 feel special
553. expecting me to work hard, to be considerate and kind
554. working together at Little Treasures
555. giving Beau away, that was the right thing to do
556. realizing we were giving up on one dream for a better one and not being bitter about it
557. we always had enough
558. beans and fried noodles and a vacation to Colorado
559. San Diego sunburns and short hair cuts
560. you teaching me with your life about Christ
561. visits in Nebraska and Germany: sweet memories
562. late night hoops in the drive way: hearing that tap of the ball meant we were close by
563. graduations and good bys
564. you always reminding me that basketball was a game...not who I was...
565. watching you sacrifice for our family
566. candy-less lane!!!

This post is part of The 1000 Mom Project :)