Monday, 28 November 2011

A different kind of Remembering

Forgetful. That is what my middle name should be. If I had been born a Pilgrim and rode across the Atlantic on the Mayflower, I do believe that is what I would have been named. You know those Pilgrims were always naming their children things like that. Oh, yes I forget and have forgotten just about everything (thankfully none of the children...yet). I'm the girl that misses birthday wishes, forgets to call back, misplaces the keys, leaves her wallet random places, buys at least 2 brushes a year because all the other ones have been left at the places we have visited, writes down the appointment on the wrong day...wrong time...wrong everything.

I have been told by one of my wisest friends, however, that this might be caused by sleep deprivation and that once the kids all start sleeping through the night you start to remember things again...but then they start driving....

Thankfully, the Lord has given me a husband who usually just laughs at me and helps me remember the things I so often forget.

But what about forgetting what is most important of all. These lessons of grace, humility, dependence on the Lord, where to draw strength, being thankful...this list of lessons is long and I'm afraid that not only am I forgetful, I have spiritual dyslexia sometimes. I see things backwards through a lens of pride and independence, drawing strength from others and myself and only being thankful for the things I deem good.

Like those Israelites wandering in the desert, here I am wondering around in my own selfsufficancy, remembering the things I should forget...leave behind...and forgetting what is matters most. It isn't enough. It will, I will never be enough. I suppose I know this. I KNOW this. And I believe that they did too.  How is it possible to know and forget at the very same time??

Then the Lord, whom I do believe has a wonderful since of humor, puts me in that same situation where all of those lessons He is teaching me should be lived out and the light of Christ shines through. What is found is not the light of Christ, but self pity and defensiveness. Then you know what? He does it again...and again...he is testing me because, well I'm a forgetter and that lesson of humility is hard to swallow and he LOVES his children.  It causes me to run to Him...to chase hard after him...to work it out...to struggle and then....then, when that light does shine it is He ALONE who gets the glory because he's chosen to use a wretch like me.

Thank You Lord Jesus for loving me enough to teach me the same lessons again, for picking me up when I sin and fall, for your patience and long suffering. You alone deserve the praise for any good that shines through me.

391. journey mercies: to Frisco, then to Hale Center
392. time w/ my Papa who loved his Murr
393. early morning smooches from Gideon
394. watching Christmas movies with the kids
395. Advent challenges
396. singing Christmas songs
397. laughing hard, and long talks with my mom
398. the first TX snow
399. muddy shoes
440. trampoline jumping kids
441. time together with extended family
442. waiting for Justin to finish
443. going to the Nutcracker Ballet with Jordynn: true bliss
444. heaters to warm the house on cold days
445. grace...immeasurable, unmovable, undeservable grace


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