All 10 Popes

I often wonder if Christ longed to be understood. I wonder if he grew frustrated at the masses around him confusing their plans with his, calling him to an earthly kingdom when his home all along was in Heaven and  whose mission was an eternal one.  Did he ever grow weary of the constant barrage of people wanting his physical healing power only to dismiss the possibility that these miracles merely pointed to his Deity? Surly, in some way it had to be, on a human level, very hard to always be on the outside, to always be "that guy." I look at Jesus' life and see that even his family and his closest of friends didn't really understand what he was about until after he gave his life up on the cross. I see that his focus really was on his Heavenly Father where he drew his strength from, in each moment. And from this I am comforted. Though, the desire inside my heart to be understood is almost as great as my desire for easy, taking the road less tra...

We walk holding hands, I holding onto the stroller also, his hand in mine. Two more little boys lagging behind. The smell is almost overwhelming. How can it smell the very same way here in Dallas after the rain as it does in Lubbock? "It does, it really does," he replies. The smell of growing up, laughter and love. A smell that takes us back and propels us forward. "I guess it was so hot and there was no rain, there were those terrible fires," I say to him. "What on their front lawns?" he jokingly says. The reminder of the summer heat is around us. The brown-green, patchy grass groans for more water. Looking, it is a site to behold. House after house smattered with this spotty looking deadened grass. Dead grass, only alive after the rain. After the rain! The rain is necessary for life. When every ounce of this tired body aches for easy, I am reminded the rain is necessary for life and growth.  After weeks and of planning, packing, shuffling, org...

Change is often like the big, wet, freezing cold pool of water that you face on a hot summer day. The sun is beating down on you and you long to dive right on in. There is only one thing standing in your way: take-your-breath-away-cold water. Do you jump right in, allowing the coolness to chill you to the bone? Or do you dip your toes in, then your feet, and then your shins all a little at a time allowing yourself to get acclimated to the water? Whatever your preference, the water is always cold and the sun is what was warming you just before the water swallowed you whole. It's always hard. Change, I mean...it's always hard even if it's good change. But just like the brisk pool of water, eventually you do get aclimated to it...eventually.  And this, my friends is the hardest part about all of the changes that come with being in the military: saying good-bye. There is almost no water colder than this.  As I look around at my bare, white walls that just th...

It's the beginnings of the good byes.  I decided today that I am no good at them...really, not good. At. All.  I look behind and see it: grace. Grace is all I see. Grace in what we did, what we didn't do, what we saw, the decisions we made, the regrets we try not to hold close, and the friendships we hold closer. When you share in Christ with people, I mean really share in  Christ with them it is a gift worth far more than rubies and gold. Tomorrow I'll share in Christ while walking round a short track. We'll be walking in circles, but don't be deceived, I'll be growing, learning...sharing.  And there it is again: grace. Thank you Lord, for the unmeasured grace you have imparted to us by giving us friends who love you and are chasing hard after You. Indeed, you are good! 252. walking and chatting with a friend whilst being encouraged...always encouraged 253. our God, always protecting 254. our God, always in control 255. finding grace ...

Often, and I do mean often, I second guess myself. Maybe I should say at least fifty times a day I second guess the decisions I make or we make together, Justin and I. These can be small, big or somewhere in between. But if you think about it, much of life is made up of decisions. Maybe I'll keep a tally tomorrow....kidding, but that would be interesting wouldn't it?! All of this second guessing, hemming and hawing over things or chewing the cud probably stems from being "right" and "wrong." Those of you that know me well can attest to my black and white nature. I once jokingly and on accident  said to a friend, "there is black and then there is right." It really was an accident as the words spilled out of my mouth, but if I'm even halfway honest, I also thought it was kind of brilliant after I said it. There aren't a lot of shades of grey in my life, just ask my children....or the man that calls me Love. I like lists that I can check o...

Learning together. Dirty little feet...always makes me smile... Bed headed Gideon A family; a since of belonging together....

 When my children are grown and my hands are wrinkled and smattered with sun patches, what will matter? What is it that I'm leaving behind? Right now, even now, I'm leaving a mark on this vapor of a life that has been given to me.  It is easy to feel like to make a difference, to really have any sort of a legacy that you must be doing something. I often ask myself, "What am I doing?"  Here's the answer for today, 26 Aug, 2011: wake after an ENTIRE nights sleep (the first Gideon's slept through..yaaahhhooooo), corral these 4, eat...something (pretty sure it was Nutella and toast), scurry out the door for an appointment at the housing office (jealous aren't you?), come home and try not to freak out because our preinspection is next Friday (ick!), clean...and clean some more (all those places you clean only once a season), clean up a mess on the carpet which involved a diaperless baby...oops, clean the baby in the tub and then the tub, morning...