That Ford Truck

19 and pregnant will collide dreams with reality quickly and you might just find yourself (as I did in 2002) in a tan Ford truck having a very awkward conversation with your boyfriend that goes a little something like this: 

Him: Well, do you think we should get married?

Me: (thinking... this isn't exactly how I dreamt of being proposed to) Maybe. I dunno. It's probably what everyone expects.

Him: (thinking...this isn't exactly how I dreamt that answer to be) Yeah. Ok.

He says he doesn't remember that conversation, but I do. I often remind him that I have a situational memory like an elephant. I don't forget. It's a blessing. And a curse. I've never looked back on that conversation with anything but fondness. I had many not so fond conversations after that with others. Conversations I'll write about in detail when the time is right and when I can find the words that I've never can seem to find. For now, I will say that one particular conversation was with a coach who told me that my marriage would never work out. "Teen marriages never do," she said.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she probably thought she was giving me very pragmatic, practical advice. And she's right you know. Not just teen marriages, but marriages in general often don't work out do they? The odds were certainly not in our favor and there was no Katniss Everdeen around to be the hero of our story. So I guess we would have to try our best to play the adults in the room (or truck) and figure it out for ourselves.   

That tan Ford was sold shortly after we married because all the shifting of gears made my nausea worse. We were given a Toyota Camry. Good, solid family car. That Camry gave way to a Honda Odyssey van (driven all over Germany's autobahn) which we sold and bought a fancy suburban (I thought growing up only rich people drove suburbans). Eventually we needed even more room, like 4 additional kids kind of room and so entered the 12 passenger Nissan NV into our lives. But not into our garage because it would never fit. More truthfully, the garage is always a mess but I digress. 

It's odd to think of 20 years of marriage in cars isn't it? 

But that question proposed in that tan ford truck was the beginning of the hope of having the happily ever after that I never saw my mother have growing up.  At the time, I would have described it in much the same way that the Disney movies I grew up watching describes happiness: do what your heart tells you and you'll be happy. Now, after 20 years I realize if I had clung to that hope, we would have never made it here.  

How it started

And where is here? 

Well, we're still here. We're still fighting. Still trying to figure it all out. And let me tell you, it has been hard. I often say that our naiveté served us well for many years. I also often say that the only expectation I had in getting married was that I wasn't ever getting divorced. As if that were just a goal I could some how attain by sheer strength and good will. As you can imagine, setting that goal entirely on my slim shoulders wasn't the wisest thing a girl could do. I know many a better wife that have walked the dark, lonely road of divorce. The reason things have held together, other than the grace of God, is because of the man He allowed me to marry. So let me take just a minute and tell you about him.

I walked down the isle 20 years ago this very day to a man (who was really just a boy) who was wearing old, black nike socks instead of new dress socks in his size 13 shoes. That one sentence tells you much about this quiet man of mine. He doesn't value things just because they're new. He likes the comfort of the familiar. Ironically, he is very often restless but not with material items. He is the most ornery person I know. He loves to laugh and be silly. His desire to be kind, and to do right is unmatched by many that I know. He will never be the guy on the front page winning the award but he can always be counted on to be honest...to always tell the truth. Some people might say he's honest to a fault, but I don't think that is actually possible for honesty is never a fault. 

He has this insatiable thirst to know what is true. He is often bent over scouring through his worn (and many) Bibles trying to figure out just who this God is that He believes in and how He would have him live and what it exactly means to live as Christ as lived and to die as Christ died.

 Our only  breakup, that burst my heart open wide, happened just after high school graduation and the untimely death of his father. As Justin tried to deal with this gaping wound of grief, he looked me straight in the eye one evening after a fight and said plainly, "Kari, take up your cross." It was one of the few times he openly wept before me. He knew I was not living a life that honored our Heavenly Father and it broke him that I was (we were) so broken.

At the time, I had zero idea of what that meant, but living with my husband now of 20 years I have learned  what this means by watching him. He has been my closest teacher. I don't even think he realizes this. Yes, we both gave up opportunities and scholarships and our idea of what life "should' be. We would both say that we gave those up to gain more: a life together and a daughter. But that's not exactly what I'm talking about. 

I have watched my husband grow into a man who delights in serving his family. I watch him, bone tired at the end of the day, pick up the Harry Potter book and read it to a son willingly. I watch him spend his day, instead of putting down grass seed (which desperately needs doing), fixing bike tires with kids. I watch him start the grill again so that we can sit together and eat again. I watch him get up early at a job after job to provide for our family. And sometimes I know that just getting up is half the battle. It's the small, daily acts of love that can wear a person down. I know this. 

I wish I could say that I always value him as I should. I wish I could say that I have loved him as I ought to love him but I can't say that. Learning and growth is often slow around here. What I can say is that in the past 20 years, the Lord has taught me most through watching my patient, kind husband. I would not be the person I am today without his love, trust and support. Truly, he is my first and greatest blessing and friend the Lord has ever given me. 

Never once in my life have I imagined what my life would have been had I not gotten pregnant and married. Nor have I longed for something different because I know the goodness of God has so permeated every square inch of my life in such a way that any pain, hurt or longing has been met, not in my wonderful husband, but in the person of Christ Himself. 

In my pride, I'd love to have another meeting with that coach from college and tell her just who I actually married. Because she is not the Creator and Sustainer of Life, she could not possibly see who the Lord would fashion Justin into. If you learn nothing from us today, please learn that. She could not see that there might be an exception to the "rule." But it no longer matters does it? Today is what matters. And today we celebrate all the Lord has done these past 20 years and beg him for mercy in the 20 or so to come. 

To Him be all glory, and honor forever and ever. Amen.  

How it's going