He asks me if I feel old and I say nope. All these 33 years and really, that's quite young don't you think? Tired, I say. I feel tired a lot but not old. It's a heart heavy for my children, I say... that can weary my soul when I forget I am not the one who really saves them anyway. That no matter how faithful Christ helps me to be...they are their own little people with their own ever growing brains and hearts. And thinking that I have to fix it all...have an answer for everything, for every situation...yes, that makes me very tired friends and I forget to have fun...to enjoy them all.
And so, I wake this morning on this very day that turns my age to 33 and see two handsome boys with silly smiles and a giggling little girl. One hands me a sheet of paper and says with a wry smile, "Happy birthday mom. What are we going to do today?" The temptation is there to just grind it out and make them do school since we've missed a couple days and I want to perform...them to perform to other's standards. I swallow hard and ask, "What do you want to do bud?" "Laser tag. I wanna go play laser tag again, Mom...the real place," is his hopeful answer.
Right there I have an idea. We all put our choices of what fun thing to do today in a hat, including this 33 year old Momma. All our hopes for that day in that brown hat with the deer from Michigan. They are all giggles, and silly grins. I ask that same boy if there will be tears if his isn't picked. He says no, probably because he is certain his hope will be chosen for that day. It's not. He holds the tears, but they brim. Disappointment centers and his attitude changes and it's hard to extend grace.
The rest of us, we get ready to go. We make sandwiches. I wait for an attitude adjustment. And pray that mine will adjust toward him...and ask him to change it too ask him to go pray in his room and come back down with a different one. Disappointment is hard isn't it?
It's PB & Js and water bottles and chips and some soda for a special treat and we are off to the zoo. The bus is loaded. It's full with mostly happy, excited children. And the mostly unhappy boy helps this 33 year old Momma by remembering that I put my lost some where that I usually don't. His grin is back. It's better.
The day is hot and heavy with humidly, but fun is what is had. And despite impatient looks from adults who tend to forget that children are slow and sometimes cranky from being hot and having blisters from new crocks, it is full, overflowing with fun and so is my heart.
I see that tall girl standing next to me. It's a joy to be near her. She piggy backs kids and pushes the stroller all in stride, smile wide. "That was fun she says," quiet-happy on the way home. My heart almost bursts wide open. The growth I have seen in her is amazing. That boy carrying around the smallest so she can "see!" He is a wonder and a joy. Those three, the triplets we call them, all wide eyed over all the animals and wonder of it all. One boy happy go lucky about snakes and lizards and hippos and one big crock. And that kid with the blister, the one who can crank the loudest also smiles the biggest. He loves new, exciting adventures.
And that man that has worked so hard for all of us, my Love, he turns and says one night, "I know people don't get it and it's hard sometimes...well, a lot of times...but this life we have together...I wouldn't change it...any of it." "Neither would, I babe...Neither would I," is my happy answer.