Often, and I do mean often, I second guess myself. Maybe I should say at least fifty times a day I second guess the decisions I make or we make together, Justin and I. These can be small, big or somewhere in between. But if you think about it, much of life is made up of decisions. Maybe I'll keep a tally tomorrow....kidding, but that would be interesting wouldn't it?!
All of this second guessing, hemming and hawing over things or chewing the cud probably stems from being "right" and "wrong." Those of you that know me well can attest to my black and white nature. I once jokingly and on accident said to a friend, "there is black and then there is right." It really was an accident as the words spilled out of my mouth, but if I'm even halfway honest, I also thought it was kind of brilliant after I said it.
There aren't a lot of shades of grey in my life, just ask my children....or the man that calls me Love. I like lists that I can check off. I like the Paul's books in the Bible because he gives more of lists...dos and don'ts...things of that nature. 1 John has been throwing me off because of all this talk about love, and well, love but there is no list for me to check off. How can you check off love? How is love quantified? And this is supposed to be the book in the Bible that helps me discern if I'm "in the faith" or not.
So when it does come to those BIG decisions, there I go again. Was that the "right" decision? What should we do when the Bible doesn't say for sure, when there is no "thou shalt or shalt not?" Couple this with, in my pride, wanting everyone to understand our decisions and this can make for a lot of second guessing. So I turn to some of the most comforting words in the Word and see,
All of this second guessing, hemming and hawing over things or chewing the cud probably stems from being "right" and "wrong." Those of you that know me well can attest to my black and white nature. I once jokingly and on accident said to a friend, "there is black and then there is right." It really was an accident as the words spilled out of my mouth, but if I'm even halfway honest, I also thought it was kind of brilliant after I said it.
There aren't a lot of shades of grey in my life, just ask my children....or the man that calls me Love. I like lists that I can check off. I like the Paul's books in the Bible because he gives more of lists...dos and don'ts...things of that nature. 1 John has been throwing me off because of all this talk about love, and well, love but there is no list for me to check off. How can you check off love? How is love quantified? And this is supposed to be the book in the Bible that helps me discern if I'm "in the faith" or not.
So when it does come to those BIG decisions, there I go again. Was that the "right" decision? What should we do when the Bible doesn't say for sure, when there is no "thou shalt or shalt not?" Couple this with, in my pride, wanting everyone to understand our decisions and this can make for a lot of second guessing. So I turn to some of the most comforting words in the Word and see,
"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my
presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and
trembling," ~Phil. 2:12 (ESV)
There were a lot of reasons that we BEGAN to home school, none of them, I believe based on fear of the world and yet, as with many other decisions that the Lord has walked us through these are much more rich and deeper reasons now that we're 3 years into it and at the top of that list is simple: together, being together...
So good! I tend to be a black and white gal myself, so I know what you mean. Bless your family and enjoy these precious years. Looks like you're doing a great job of it!
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