All 10 Popes

Him: What did I call Ms. Cari when I lived with them? Me: Mom Him: What did I call the Strucks when I lived with them? Me: Mom and Dad Him: And, of course, I called Audrey mom when I lived with her. Me: of course. Him: WEIRD. That is SO weird, Mom!!! Me: Not really, because they were acting like moms to you and you called them as much. Him: But it would be so weird to call someone else mom now.  You're my mom. Me: *smiles, teary eyed* These are the moments that I want to cling to as an adoptive mother. So many moments around here are hard and feel a bit lonely. If you knew how hard it is for a foster child who has had lived through multiple placements before being adopted, to look at me and really call me mother (as in NO ONE else is my mother), you would agree that this is no small miracle of the heart.  If you knew how hard is is for a mother to look at a son, not born of her womb, and to truly call him her son, you would nod and amen that this...

Today I don't think that I have the heart space nor the time to adequately write about this adoptive mothering thing. Whole volumes of books have been written, so I won't offer advice. I'm typing here much like I do many times: knowing what I want to say and not knowing at the same time. I guess I just wanted today to remember the woman who birthed three of our children. Foster care is a wretched beast. For us, it's one of those beasts that I'm glad we couldn't have possibly fully known until we jumped into it b/c I'm certain (yes 10000% certain) that we would never have considered it. It is crazy. Such wonderful people are doing their very best and the system is still just so flawed b/c well, we are a flawed people. I say this not to dissuade any potential foster parents or those looking into it. I say it because I think many times birth parents are made out to be monsters. And many times that seems like the deserving title should be for them both. I...

Dearest Readers, This post stems from a burden deep inside my soul. It is a burden for those of us who call ourselves sisters-in-Christ. For those of us that aknowledge that there is nothing in us that is really good even in our best efforts...that we need a Savior and have found one in the Lord Jesus. It is a burden that has been awakened recently through conversations that I've had with beautiful friends. All of whom come from different backgrounds but love the Lord and have been found in Him. Please keep this in mind as you read. My intention is always to encourage. Always. There are things about the Christian faith that can not be unwound from each other because if we do that then we have unwound it all and have nothing to call Christian. Those things, I do not wish to address here. Those foundational truths aren't up for debate. This, all of it that I have written, is something I struggle with and have for years. It is not something I am proud of and want to be free of....

I've got a son once 10, now 11. I know it seems silly to say once 10, but I can't get over how time just seems to sprint past while I'm trying to run the marathon that is called my life. I mean really! 11?!? A long time ago I asked him to stop growing up. I said pretty please. And I think that he actually would try, if he could because he just loves so much being a kid. And that makes my momma heart happy. And then there was the blessed time of Christmas. At least we were on vacation and could slow down a bit and rest. It was an actual vacation for us. Thankfully, not the kind when you come home and feel like you need another vacation from the one you just had. Thanks to my mom and step-dad. They are some serious super-heros. I won't even mention the blizzard. And being snowed in for a day in a room the size of, well think of a very small room and then put 12 people in it (most of them under 5 ft.). And the suburban being covered totally.  All. Of. It. You've seen...

I look at my littlest and wonder where it went. Time. It vanishes so quickly. A vapor, yes it's true. Time can be no friend of mine. My days are spent going and not slowing. Going and not slowing. We are in the middle of the "show" so to speak and our days are full. If I could go back and tell that young momma a thing or two I would tell her to enjoy the slow days. And to fill them up with laughter, hugs and messes. Don't worry so much about what it all looks like all the time or what others might think of you and just enjoy that baby girl. Fill it up and brimming over, not with things that others may be doing but things that you can enjoy doing together. And don't let her watch Sleeping Beauty (it gives her nightmares.) Lower your expectations, momma. She's little and learning and you can teach her with grace, not with just the fear of being punished. Fight for her heart! Oh! But I can't. I cannot go back. If there was a do over button, I would push ...

Some weeks deserve a cupcake kind of ending. Not because they are so great but because, "Yay! Praise the good Lord that we made it to Friday and this week is O-V-E-R" kind of cupcake. And so we did today. Ate cupcakes to finish our long week while celebrating some very smart kiddos reading through their Bible readers over the past year (holla!). But mostly, it's been one glorious battle this week and it's tempting to loose sight of things to be thankful for, things that get lost in the sometimes overwhelming neediness of smallish ones, appointments, various other exciting activities and schooling. I was reminded today of that as I listened to the bell toll over the radio, remembering those who lost their lives on this very day inside (or just outside) the Twin Towers. And those rushed in to rescue; going inside when most were running out, knowing they would not, very probably, come out alive. They rushed in anyway. I just can't even. My heart was heavy about the...

  He asks me if I feel old and I say nope. All these 33 years and really, that's quite young don't you think? Tired, I say. I feel tired a lot but not old. It's a heart heavy for my children, I say... that can weary my soul when I forget I am not the one who really saves them anyway. That no matter how faithful Christ helps me to be...they are their own little people with their own ever growing brains and hearts. And thinking that I have to fix it all...have an answer for everything, for every situation...yes, that makes me very tired friends and I forget to have fun...to enjoy them all.   And so, I wake this morning on this very day that turns my age to 33 and see two handsome boys with silly smiles and a giggling little girl. One hands me a sheet of paper and says with a wry smile, "Happy birthday mom. What are we going to do today?" The temptation is there to just grind it out and make them do school since we've missed a couple days and I want to perfor...